Someone I Can Count On

Hey all,

I hope all is well with you. I'm as fine as can be considering that work as seem to be kicking my butt. But I suppose I'll live. Anyway, as I find the year coming to a close, I find myself saying 'Thank God' that it's ending. This year has been one hell of a ride, full of tragedy, drama, and extreme low points. However, don't get me wrong. There has been some good points, but as usual I find that the bad usually outweigh the good in most cases.

I also realize that through this year that there has been only two people that have stayed constant in my life and for that I am thankful. I have my boyfriend and our close friend, Jase. They are good people. They listen to you and don't really judge you or your decisions, but only question whether or not if you are sure that you made the right decision. I guess with things being the way they are now, it is really hard to put much trust in everyone. I guess I am damaged that way. Now, I do have more people/friends in my life, but these two are mainstays. I also have found that through all of this, some people who claim to be friends seem to disappear and are not to be seen. It's all well and good to act like you care and show up when you hear something bad happens, but other than that as quickly as you come back you are out again.

I personally don't seem to mind anymore because I realize that somethings and some people just don't change dispite how much they make inferences. But you know what? It doesn't matter. I have people that I can count on and they can count on me. I don't have to be in some crisis situation in order to matter to those who have the nerve to call themselves friends. I have seen the change and it has been there for a long time now. We don't call each other and that's fine. Just expect me to sit there and wait for you to care about me. Now some of you may think that I'm being selfish and being a baby about this. I just don't like when people act like they your friends and when you ask for things they don't follow through for months or make promises that they constantly break.

It's to the point that it doesn't even phase me anymore. Things will never be the same and that's just the way it is. Fairweather friends need not apply over here. I am sorry if this might offend some of my friends but when you purposely seem to go out of your way to avoid hanging out with your friends or come up with lame excuses, it just doesn't seem reasonable to really be friends anymore. If your busy that would be understandable, but when you don't even have reasons as to why you constantly cancel plans to hangout, just don't be surprised when no one over here invites you to hangout anymore.

I would like a friend to be there when it counts and not someone there whenever they feel like it. That's not a friend. That's an acquaintance; practically a stranger.